Goal-oriented and task-driven. Now what?

The third day of an empty calendar and no list to check off tasks. The calendar and the list have been the organizers of my days, even on weekends. Typically I would review the list of tasks and prepare for the upcoming meetings, trainings, and collaborations while allowing myself a moment to linger over morning coffee. With a list usually longer than the day, the linger was neither lengthy nor luxurious, but that moment of composing myself was a needed routine.

In my "in-between" state, lingering seems to be self-indulgent, and the worry part of my brain seems to be shouting that I could do more to get to the next era. That part of the cerebrum doesn't seem to measure my next moves in time, but rather in urgency. The irony: now that the linger can be lengthy and luxurious, it doesn't seem to provide the same respite.

Learning to create meaningful goals and tasks that aren't driven specifically by a strategic career move will take me longer than the three days. And the to-do list might just have to fill up with household organization and the fulfillment of the promise I made to myself to purge all the "stuff" that lives in closets and crawl spaces and no longer serves me.

So today I "purged" some Thanksgiving leftovers, and I made some cranberry muffins. Hot and just the right sweet-savory balance, straight from the oven, and perfect with that coffee. The right bite and sip to start my day, and a forced lingering moment to contemplate what's next.

Muffins may be the best I can do on day three. So I'm celebrating a good bake.

 A 13-Year Hiatus

It may be coincidental that I stopped Blogging around the time that I started my role at an EdTech company. I tend to be 100% in all I do, and I willingly was "all-in" as I worked to support students and teachers in accelerating learning through great teaching while using the learning platforms developed by my company. 

The laser-focus on my chosen career meant that other passions peeled away. Music and theatre, my passions from childhood, took a backseat, and I haven't tread the boards or sung a note outside the shower or my Honda in all this time. I stopped running, literally running, and even removed the rack of race completion medals from my home. It was harder to fit in running around the work schedule and the job-related travel, so I became a Peloton groupie, better able to workout in the odd hours when the road to ride or run lived in my spare room on-demand.

And on Tuesday, my 13 year focus on career was dissolved in an instant. A casualty of a corporate "Reduction in Force," I found myself wondering what to do with my mind, my heart, and my body with a sudden wide-open calendar. Job searches in the modern age don't consist of knocking doors, but rather searching remotely, and it's easy to feel like I'm not doing enough. I truly hope that I'll find that next role that can be the one for me. But in the next iteration, I have learned to keep a piece of myself away from the "all-in" spirit.

Of course, on my first full day of unemployment I scoured the job boards, linked myself in, and reconnected with old colleagues who had moved on from the company. But I spent even more time on my teenage passion project on that first day with free time, and I put together an audition for a local musical theatre production. Whether I am cast or not, it felt good to fill my house with song, to assume a character and step outside of myself for awhile,  and to think about telling someone else's story.

And today, as an avid member of the Peloton community, I was able to top a personal record I had on the bike. My humble statistics aren't anything to shout from the mountaintop, but my health journey through migraine, TIA, heart surgery, and complete recovery had set me back, and I wasn't happy with the output numbers I achieved that were so much lower than before. 

But even more than topping that record, today in that "Sweat Steady" ride taught by the phenomenal Jess King, my spirit soared past my previous personal record. As I pedaled, huffed, puffed, and sweated through the class, I listened to her talk about authenticity, owning who you are, kindness, and self-worth. As if she spoke directly to me.

So, no more 13-year hiatus from anything that feels like ME being ME. I'll strive to be the best employee possible in my next company. It's in my DNA. But I have to promise to keep my writing,  sweaty, character-assuming, singing self around too. Because authenticity is integrity, and a RIF has taught me that being me is the best thing I can do.

My Gold Star for the day!