Pain

Childbirth hurt a lot, but I really don't remember that pain. The events that occurred one year ago today hurt a lot more. Watching the clock this evening, remembering where I was and what I was thinking, exactly one year ago tonight, I can feel it again. The dread, the regret, the anger, the disbelief. This wasn't supposed to happen yet. And somehow it didn't.

And a year passed. Somehow, we got back into the normalcy of living. Worrying about the everyday, bringing the trash to the curb on Thursday night, it's your turn to change the cat litter, time to sit down and pay the bills. A whole year we have had that we shouldn't have had, and sometimes we have to remind ourselves about that thing that happened last year. We look back like rubber-neckers at the scene of a crash. But it was our crash, and it very nearly destroyed our entire world.

I don't need to feel that pain, but I can't ever forget it entirely. Remembering what could've been forces me to celebrate what is.