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Thursday, May 8, 2008

AARP & Me, A Nightmare in Two Acts

ACT I

Curtain rises. Set is a typical doctor's office. Nurse X is seated, holding chart doing intake and vitals. JSG sits on paper-covered examination table.

X: Menopause or hysterectomy?

JSG: No thank you.

X: Which is it?

JSG: My mother?

X: Menopause or hysterectomy?

JSG: No.

X: Which is it, then?

JSG: None of the above. I'm 41.

CURTAIN

ACT II
NARRATOR: After a 5 1/2 mile run, bike ride to the Y, and an intense workout session including deadlifts, bench presses and pull-ups, JSG decides to bike over to Kohl's department store on the way home.

Curtain opens on JSG standing at the check-out register, purchasing some unmentionables for her 13-year old daughter. She is being served by a 50 something cashier, donned in a teenager's striped polo and khaki capris, but wearing the tell-tale necklace of reading specs.

SPECS: That will be $24.65. Oh, just a minute.

JSG: $24.65? Okay, here's my Kohl's card.

SPECS: Just a minute. Now, I'm not going to ask you your age, but I think that people like us, over 50, can join AARP, so that means we should get the discount too. That'll be $21.37.

FADE TO BLACK

2 comments:

Liz said...

I realized the other day that the doctors are all beginning to use the same statement quite often during my visits-
"At your age....."

Anonymous said...

I don't get it? Are you pregnant??
(yes, its Crazy Deb - who else?)